


our hearts, ignite

by moonymindpalace



Series: our hearts (nct civil war au) [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - War, Angst, Baby Jisung suffers but has a happy ending, I don't even know what to make of this Mark but i love him, M/M, Mentions of headshots and painful injuries, Minor Character Death, Paranoia, Renjun is ethereal and also a sniper, Stressed teens with too many guns and too much sexual tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 10:04:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14542326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonymindpalace/pseuds/moonymindpalace
Summary: Everyone was crumbling at the seams, but it was no surprise. The war took a toll on everyone, Renjun thought, tucking Chenle in after the boy woke up screaming Jaemin’s name.One of us will go away, and all of us will go mad.





	our hearts, ignite

**Author's Note:**

> Spent the weekend watching Winter Soldier and Civil War and suffering for Steve/Bucky, so this came out in a few hours, because the dreamies drive me crazy.  
> All my love to Marina for beta-ing this in such short amount of time.  
> Title from Muse's Resistance.

Jisung was a child of war. War against poverty, diseases, hunger, fear. Then the real War was knocking on their door, putting their neighbouring villages to the ground, hundreds of people fleeing, because they didn’t know how to fight. And his mother was too ill to move.

Take this letter, she said, and find the rebels. Give it to one of their captains, they will know who you are and where you belong. Your father will watch over me, you have to go now while it’s safe.

She’d been too kind to say it, but when Jisung reached the rebel lines, he’d long been an orphan.

*

Chenle was tired of running, of trying to keep pace when he wasn’t made of the same stuff as the others, and today Renjun, kind and eagle-eyed Renjun, wasn’t taking pity and walking with him on the tail of the squad.

That’s why he saw the boy, ragged and dirty, a desperate look in his eyes, ambling beside the road. Are you a rebel, the boy asked, and Chenle laughed, high pitched and loud, because he wasn’t made of the same stuff as the others, and when Jaemin turned back to scold him he saw the boy too.

*

Jaemin was aching all over. Legs, back, stomach, head, he had been beaten all over, but had to endure or Renjun would drop dead from excessive worrying. The unknown boy beside Chenle looked hurt too, the angle of his left arm wasn’t quite right, and his head was bowed from exhaustion. Cradling his own broken arm close, Jaemin turned back around, searching for Jeno, but Renjun was already coming forward.

*

Renjun was sure he had the best aim of his generation, and the least patience for sugar coating situations. The unknown boy, Jisung, was injured, dehydrated and famished, his naturally long nose sticking up from a cadaveric face. He needed a doctor, and so did Jaemin, because Chenle, as good as he was, couldn’t possibly deal with so many fractures all at once.

Carefully storing his rifle away, Renjun helped the boy walk up to the middle of the road, while the kid stammered about a letter he had. Go give it to the captain, Renjun said, pointing forward with his chin.

*

Jeno wasn’t paying any attention to the others, too caught up on his own thoughts. Jaemin had been missing for three days before they found and rescued him, and Jeno was still shaken up, a never-ending reel of horror playing in his mind of what would’ve (what could’ve) happened, what would he do without Nana.

Nana was behind him, he heard his voice and gritted his teeth, terrified to think about a world where Nana’s voice was never heard. Someone scrawny and tall approached him, and he turned back to see Renjun urging the newcomer on. Are you the captain, asked the kid, and he found something inside himself that made him smile and point, no kid, he said, the Cap’s over there.

*

Haechan didn’t like being called Haechan and didn’t like the reason behind it. In his head, he never stopped calling himself his real name, Donghyuk. He felt a pang in his chest every time Mark called him Haechan, because it felt like lying; like Mark was a piece of the mask he wore amongst the rebels, like Mark didn’t know him.

But no one knew him, not all of him. He sighed and pretended not to notice Mark’s worried glance, wrapped his thin and crooked fingers around Mark’s wrist. I love you, he wanted to say. I hate winter, he said.

*

Mark was annoyed with his hair, growing too long to be manageable, and with himself for dragging out the whole situation with Haechan, Donghyuk, whatever. He’d been beating himself over it for weeks now, wondering how to expose a spy but not kill him, how to keep his enemy close but not too close. He suspected he was too close already, heart spiking up rate when Donghyuk wrapped his hand around his wrist.

Jeno said something about Cap and he turned, found a boy staring at him, his eyes hopeful but somehow sorta dead. It reminded him of Haechan, and he wanted to slap himself across the face, but refrained.

I have a letter for the captain, the boy said, and Donghyuk put his hand out like he used to, but Mark slapped it away, turned his back to him to open the letter. He thought he saw a spark or fear on Haechan's eyes but had no time to think it through. He read, lip between his teeth, and turned around to face the rest of his squad.

*

The boy was called Jisung and he was Taeyong's half-brother. He needed protection, was too young to be out there, but Donghyuk only paid half a mind to the arrangements, too caught up on how Mark slapped his hand away earlier. Mark knows? He thought to himself and shivered against the biting cold. If Mark knows, why am I still here? Still alive?

Renjun called him into the tent, and he plastered a playful smirk on his face. Maybe he’ll kill me in my sleep, he thought, and felt oddly comforted.

*

The road was long and straight, the bushes in the side offering no protection. Jeno was borderline paranoid, turning back to look at Jaemin until someone realized, probably Renjun, and sent Jaemin up to stand with him on the middle, protecting Mark’s back. He liked to be Mark’s backup, even if his captain never shared what really happened inside his head. Jeno never shared either, only bits and pieces breaking the surface to be seen by perceptive people, which meant Renjun and sometimes Haechan.

He used to wonder what was wrong with Renjun, a boy like him had no place in a war, a face like that had no place behind a scope of a rifle, but he left that alone after seeing him shoot soldier after soldier but smile after, apparently unperturbed, still caring for Chenle and bantering with Haechan. War took a toll on everyone, but Renjun remained untouched, despite all the gunpowder on his hands.

*

Renjun knew Jeno was paranoid because of Jaemin but couldn’t shake off the feeling of something else hanging in the air. He would’ve credited to the new boy walking with them, but the feeling had been there for days before it, like a tickle on his neck. He had the best eyesight of all of them, but the road was too open, and he felt his back cold and exposed.

He knew one of them was going to go soon.

*

Nothing he said was going to ease Jeno out of the state he was, but nothing would make him confess, either, and Jaemin was growing restless. It was like Jeno didn’t trust him. For God’s sake, it wasn’t like there was anything in their way!

The paranoia seemed to be catching on Renjun too because he sent up Chenle and Jisung to walk in front of him, but probably because of Jisung. The boy was like an underfed baby chicken, and Jaemin didn’t even want to imagine the horrors he’d been through.

*

Jisung was nice, skilled, but Chenle couldn’t really pay attention to him, all his senses focused on Renjun walking behind them. There was something wrong with his brother, because the only word to describe what they had, the tie holding them together, was brotherhood, even if they weren’t related by blood. Their age gap wasn’t noticeable most of the time, but sometimes it was like Renjun was on a whole other dimension, infinitely older than all of them.

*

As a newcomer, Jisung didn’t know the squad’s routine, but he felt the silences weren’t supposed to be there, like it was someone’s role to fill them, but that person was absent. But they were all kind and welcoming, and he felt grateful, putting all their names on his nightly prayers, along with his mother’s, father’s and half-brother's.

*

Chenle's job was to patch up any wounds and help Kun or Doyoung, their actual doctors, if they were together. Whatever scratches Jisung had were taken care of on his first night, his arm gladly not broken, and Jaemin needed more help than he could provide, his arm immobilized but probably healing all wrong.

They met up with Captain Johnny’s squad on a Wednesday, Chenle’s lucky day, and Jaehyun was there by chance with the car. He came back with Kun, and Jaemin's screams, as his arm was put back in place, would hunt Chenle forever.

Jeno's usually pale face was white like the snow outside, and he shushed Jaemin as best as he could, but Renjun had to take over as Jeno started to cry.

Chenle realized Renjun was taking over a lot over the last few weeks.

*

Nana, I’m sorry for letting you down earlier, said Jeno to him, and Jaemin, as faint as he was, still managed to growl at him. You’ve been letting me down for longer, he said, angry and hurt and _frustrated_ , because Jeno didn’t seem to understand.

Jeno didn’t kiss him better, just walked away.

*

Everyone was crumbling at the seams, but it was no surprise. The war took a toll on everyone, Renjun thought, tucking Chenle in after the boy woke up screaming Jaemin’s name. One of us will go away, and all of us will go mad.

*

When Nana was safe, Jeno’s brain seemed to zero on what was out of place, especially after he found Haechan tucked on a sleeping bag on the kitchen, instead of on the tent he shared with Mark, always the two of them. Mark was nowhere to be seen, and Ten said he’d left with Johnny. Haechan wasn’t sleeping, just pretending to. Jeno could see the tension on his jaw.

*

Donghyuk couldn’t think about what would happen when Mark and Johnny came back, could only thank the heavens for Taeyong not being there or else he’d already be soup on Yuta's hands. Instead, he locked eyes with Jeno, who was obviously trying to spy on him, and hissed. Go find your boy and confess to him, he said, and Jeno jumped like a spring toy, go tell him you love him, not everyone has the chance you two have.

Jeno looked at him, wheels turning behind his eyes, but Donghyuk turned his back to him and went back to not-thinking.

*

Johnny with his long limbs and perfect boyfriend was no help to Mark. He could only be thankful for Taeyong not being there, or Haec- Donghyuk would already be beaten to a pulp by Yuta. He came back to the camp angrier than before and got terrified when he found his tent without Donghyuk inside. He was in the kitchen, tense as a bowstring, but didn’t start when Mark shook him.

What are you doing here, he asked, even if he knew the answer. Can we stop this? Donghyuk asked, shaking like a leaf in the fall, are you gonna kill me now?

Mark wanted to kiss him, but he punched him instead. His nose broke, and even with a broken nose and blood all over, Donghyuk was still beautiful. I thought you liked this game of shadows, Mark said, and Donghyuk shook his head, eyes bright on the dark.

Not with you, he said. Not with you.

*

They probably knew Haechan wasn’t going to them on his own volition, so they waited until their squad reached a city, filthy and crowded like all cities, to take him away. They wanted information, secrets, names. He gave some, kept some, held back the info of his position being compromised. They know, he wanted to say, y’all can just kill me now, I’m no use.

He used to be good at lying, maybe still was, but he grew tired. He wanted to be one person, not fifty masks. But he knew no one was coming for him, that none of his masks worked as shields.

*

The two eldest, Mark and Renjun, seemed too at ease with Haechan’s disappearing. Maybe not at ease but resigned. He knows what he’s doing, Mark said, and the matter was closed. They still could not find Taeyong to deliver him his brother.

Nana at least wasn’t looking murderous anymore. They kissed good morning and goodnight, held hands sometimes. Jeno felt tenfold what he’d always felt: fear of losing him.

*

Jeno was second in command, but Mark told Renjun the truth, for whatever reason. We have to be twice as careful, he’d said, he’s probably given away everything, that’s why he was here.

Do you hate him, Renjun asked, and Mark looked so at loss he let the question drop and went back to cleaning his guns.

This road was curvy and full of trees on the side, but he still felt exposed, like every shadow that touched him was an enemy.

He _knew_ one of them was going to go, but he still felt like he was being left behind.

*

Mark wasn’t sleeping and Renjun just pretended to. Jaemin sighed, kissed a sleeping Jeno’s cheek and went outside.

We have to leave the kids with Taeil and go after him, he said even if Mark gave him no answer, if you keep torturing yourself like that you’ll go mad. We can’t have a mad captain, he thought, we can’t lose him like that.

Chenle will wanna fight, Mark finally said, as Jaemin made to go back inside. Well, he can’t, he said. Jeno had woken up, somehow, and looked haunted by his temporary absence. He can’t, he repeated, until Mark nodded.

*

Jaemin, and surprisingly not Renjun, packed Chenle’s and Jisung's things to leave them at Taeil's. Chenle knew better than to ask to join the fight. Not because he thought himself a child, but because he knew the others all too well. They were all afraid of dying and nothing of their dream squad be left behind.

*

Taeil didn’t fill the silences left by Haechan, and Jisung thought those people seemed to always be at some standpoint, waiting for a signal that never came.

*

Renjun left his favourite ceramic knife with him, saying he didn’t want to smudge it with some ugly soldier’s blood. Chenle smiled as best as he could and didn’t look at Taeil’s face afterwards. If he saw their fears too closely, he’d start panicking as well. Instead, he laughed, high and loud, so different from the rest of them, but also the same.

*

Most people thought Jaemin wasn’t made for fighting, because he wasn’t skilled like Renjun and Mark, wasn’t bulky like Jeno, but he was proud of his punches and of his mean strategies. He landed them a great gig, lots of space for Renjun to shoot from a distance, because Chenle didn’t deserve to grieve, and space for Mark to fight his way out of whatever crisis he was having, pistol and fists against everyone, because Jaemin wasn’t particularly romantic, but he believed their lives were meant to be short and fruitless anyway, so love was all that they had left.

*

Renjun expected the feeling on the back of his neck to disappear with Haechan, but it didn’t. He was left on the top of a nearby building, sniper rifle on a bipod, taking down soldier after soldier. Gunpowder had gone into his hands, face, hair, and the smell was making him nauseous and shivery.

It was like the tingle on the back of his neck had overcome his whole body. He adjusted the scope and accepted his fate, whenever it had to come, but not then, not before his friends, his family, were safe.

*

Jaemin had been right, of course, and Mark was, in fact, going mad. At least he as losing it on the battlefield, where Jeno could watch over him and give him a hand. He turned back for a second to check on Nana, and it was all it took for a soldier to launch himself on him, grab him by his throat. Mark kicked the guy in the guts and put a bullet between his eyes. Maybe Haechan’s cold blood bothered Mark so much because it reminded him of his own.

*

He didn’t wait for or deserved to be saved. He wasn’t a prisoner, but some sort of twisted ally to both sides. Donghyuk wondered what would take him to break his ties with the soldiers, how to make loud and clear he belonged with the rebels now. Mark dragged him out by the arm, barely looking at him, but he felt his touch burn all the same. They run off by the sewers, losing the soldiers on the maze of tunnels that had once been Donghyuk's home. Jeno was laughing and Jaemin was complaining about carrying Renjun's gun accessories. Mark wouldn’t look at him, but he knew all was as best as it could.

*

Donghyuk’s nose was as crooked as his fingers, now, and he was soft and hot when Mark kissed him against some wall in the outskirts of the city, digging their fingers into each other’s flesh, each breath singing in unison, bodies stuck together from head to toe.

I swear I’m with you now, Donghyuk repeated, over and over again. I swear. You.

Mark shut him up with his mouth. He knew. He knew what every word leaving Donghyuk’s mouth meant.

*

I love you, Donghyuk said. I do, I do, he repeated, until Mark believed him, even if Mark believed in no one but himself.


End file.
